Lately, life has been a struggle for us
We got married October 19th and all was bliss. We were a young newlywed couple, living in our amazing new house, complete with a barn in the
backyard for our horse and a ton of room for our two dogs and having a bigger income than we had ever made before. We were living in a
house that could compete with our parents, a large 3 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom
home, completely remodeled and beautiful inside. We even had savings! Which was
new for me, but a comfort to my husband.
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| Aww sweet and unworried bliss |
It all went to shit after we got pregnant.
Not that we weren’t EXCITED to be pregnant. It was not planned
but we were happy. We were hopeful. We were excited to have a baby brought into
our lives, to be blessed and enriched with a baby’s presence. My DH (Joel from
here on out) and I were constantly told how cool we would be as parents, which
I took as a high compliment. The kind of parents a kid would be stoked to have.
So yeah, we were excited. Correction: we ARE excited. That
hasn’t changed.
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| Our little 8 week Michelin Man Baby |
What changed was our lives immediately after telling my
employer we were pregnant and starting a family. Two weeks after I told the good news to my boss, he
posted an ad on craigslist for my job. Two weeks after that, he let me go under
false pretenses. Two weeks’ severance pay and “Ta Ta!” UNEMPLOYED.
Our world was rocked. We had this amazing life that was
provided by my being the primary breadwinner. I personally was more successful
at that job both financially and professionally, than I had ever been. There I was, in my
late 20s, newly married and I had what I thought was an amazing job that I
excelled at. We made decisions based off our combined income, acquired certain
bills that were dependent on this income. And now it was just….gone.
We didn’t think that it would be terribly hard to find a new
job for me, although it is never something one desires to go through as a 3
month pregnant woman. Who would hire me? Why would someone hire a pregnant
woman who would shortly gone on maternity leave versus the young 20 something
candidate who had no familial obligations? It’s illegal to discriminate against
women for being pregnant, but no one will say THAT’s why they aren’t hiring
you. They will just find some other reason.
Needless to say, it WAS a struggle. We filed for unemployment
but it appeared that my past two employers had not paid into it. So I got a
measly $155 a week….almost 85% less than what I was making weekly before my layoff! Had it not been for
my husband, I don’t know how we could have survived almost 3 months of me not
working. Joel is amazing at a budget, albeit very very cheap/frugal, but that
trait came in handy when our income was cut by 60%.
Another struggle was trying to be excited about a baby
coming and all the pregnancy milestones that come with it. It’s hard to be 100%
excited when your husband can’t make your first ultrasound because he has to
take every job he can get so we can pay our rent on time. (He’s a stuntman in
Hollywood) It’s hard to be excited to find out it’s a girl when you are
wondering how you can afford the diapers she is going to need. It’s hard to be
excited when all you want to do is shop for your new addition, but you have to
take up couponing just to get the groceries you need.
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| It's a girl! |
If it sounds like I’m complaining, it’s because I am! It’s
because this was thrust upon me without warning, because I was discriminated
against for starting a family, because my choice to be a mother was penalized
by my employer. Was I mad? HELL YEAH. Am I still mad? More than ever, with
every day that passes. Do I want to be a mad pregnant lady? No way! It’s hard
enough dealing with ever changing hormones! (I yelled at the dog this morning
because he wouldn't go pee…only to find out my husband had taken him out two
hours before. I tried to keep it cool but imagine feeling rage at your beloved
pooch cause he won’t pee fast enough? It’s ridiculous and I certainly felt bad.
He’s my baby and I yelled at him for no good reason other than I’m a hormonal
pregnant lady) But I don’t want to carry around this kind of anger for my
little girl inside. She deserves a calm mom, she deserves that COOL mom
everyone talked about. She’s been so good already, it’s been such an easy
pregnancy that I can only hope it’s an equally as easy birth/newborn era. So
for her, for our new daughter, I will try to let my anger and frustration over
this discrimination subside.
I will try to express more gratitude for the life I have. We didn't have to lose our house, our cars, our horse, our dogs or our life. Our
daughter is growing perfectly for her age. This pregnancy has been so easy, I
haven’t had to take any time off for pregnancy related symptoms. She’s active
in her little home in my belly, kicking up a storm most mornings and nights. Her
Daddy has even felt her move a time or two. (He gets weirded out by it
occasionally, anyone else’s husband like that?)
My dogs are healthy, my horse is celebrating her 19th
birthday in May, my parents are all healthy and happy. Our baby is going to be
born into a family filled with love for her. And that has to be my main focus
right now.
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| We are healthy and happy, that is what truly matters |
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| Carefree Times |
However, in 5 minutes when my hormones rage, remind me of
this post ok?
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